


Dramatically Incorrect

by HuasenButter



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 22:56:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3913753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuasenButter/pseuds/HuasenButter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of short fics where I try to make even the worst out of bad fanfic cliches & tropes somewhat entertaining. (Nah, I'm just fucking with you guys, I can't make this shit work.)</p>
<p>Sporadically updates depending on how much badfic I'm forced to read in order to write this stuff, because seriously, this hurts me WAY more than it hurts you.</p>
<p>Disclaimer: This series is not targeted towards any author in particular & any similarities are completely coincidental.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dramatically Incorrect

**Author's Note:**

> Badfic cliche where Koujaku is a relentless cold-hearted dick & Noiz is a sobbing woobie while "Crawling in My Skin" by Linkin Park plays in the background.

"Come on Old Ma-"

"I said NO."

Scowling, Koujaku crossed his arms over tattooed chest and turned away from the strawberry blond brat standing in front of him. Huffily, the hairdresser continued to ignore the punk's annoying presence as Noiz completely ignored his rejection and started tugging at his kimono sleeve in order to get the older man's attention.

"Please-"

"No."

"Will you JUST listen to me this on-"

"Noiz, what part of 'no' do you not understand?"

"..."

Noiz fell silent at last and his head tilted downwards toward the ground, however his hand was still clenching the hairdresser's sleeve and the red fabric was starting to wrinkle from how tightly Noiz's crooked fingers were holding onto it.  _Argh, why is he so annoying?_

Koujaku's train of thought was suddenly cut off by Noiz who coughed a bit before looking up, lime green eyes staring directly into crimson orbs. With a serious expression on his face, the brat quietly uttered three/four syllables:

"...I love you."

Upon hearing those heartfelt words, Koujaku could only say:

"That isn't going to change anything."

"I'm serious about this old ma-"

"Stop calling me that! And it still won't change anything at this point!"

Stunned, the blond brat could only stare at the other man with a desperate look on his face. However, Koujaku was completely unmoved by the brat's pleas and merely stood there unflinchingly like a yakuza version of a Color Change Barbie doll.

"Please, _Koujaku,_ I can't go on like this! I don't have any other options. I can't _live_ without you at this point."

"Don't you have team members? Can't you just go bother them instead?"

"I've tried that already! They can't help me anymore. Please, I need you."

Upon saying his last request for help from the hairdresser, Noiz stood there, hand clenched tightly in Koujaku's kimono. At this point, Koujaku would have to go to a dry cleaner's to get the wrinkles out.

"No Noiz, and that's my final answer."

For a moment, Koujaku thought that Noiz was going to cry, but then the brat looked up with  _anger_ in his eyes instead of sadness. Suddenly, he let go of the older man's kimono and punched him solidly in the arm.

"OW! What the hell was that for?" Koujaku yelled, rubbing at his arm. He was lucky Noiz was currently unarmed or he would have gotten worse than a mild bruise.

"Screw you, old man! I only needed one more life for Candy Crush to beat this last level! I can't believe that you would do this to me!"

"You're clogging up my facebook feed with all your damn requests, can't you just pay for another life?!"

"What kind of a loser blows money on a free game?"

"Noiz, it's like 50 yen for an extra life. You're filthy rich. PLEASE stop bothering me about this."

"50 yen for having absolutely zero skill at matching candies."

"Oh my god, Noiz go back to bed already."

"Not until you answer my request and send me an extra life on facebook!"

* * *

 

Somewhere in the Seragaki household....Tae-san's bullshit senses are tingling.

"Some idiot out there is making a racket and waking up the whole neighborhood! Those darn kids....."

Grimacing at the all the hubbub that normally only a Toue© Android could hear, the pink haired granny picked up a fluffy slipper and expertly tossed it out of the window like how a terrified Russian guy would with his printer.

Soaring through the humid night sky of Midorijima, the weaponized shoe flew and flew.....

* * *

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO."

"YES."

"Noiz, I said n-"

Suddenly the hairdresser's words were cut off by a pink slipper flying through the window and bitch-slapping the older man right across his right temple. Koujaku keeled over in a dead faint, his head smacking onto the wooden floorboards as his torso dangled off the side of the bed.

Noiz curiously looked over the unconscious adult and after using UsagiModoki's scans to check that there were no physical problems with the old man, the brat swiped Koujaku's coil from his wrist and activated it. Browsing through Koujaku's facebook page, he finally came across his own extra-life request and accepted it.

Finally, he could now beat level 2000. Noiz would soon become the Candy Crush King.

 


End file.
